"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
