Only a mothe r could love this liver
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
