that's an acceptable place to lick
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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