My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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