She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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