At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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