its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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