Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
