***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
