i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
