So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Randomize
