Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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