I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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