I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
