it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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