Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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