if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
