I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
