Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
