Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
