Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
you inspire me to be a worse person
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
