I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
