i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
