This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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