Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
MIDGETS
????
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
