we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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