On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
