It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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