how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
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Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
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I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up