I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
