i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
