I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
