i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
