party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
