eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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