So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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