last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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