I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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