Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
