ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
it was like his penis was on wheels.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
