You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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