R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
