I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
