What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
