was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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