no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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