chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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