Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I licked your asshole in confidence.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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