i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
