you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
