Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
