No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
