you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
What a fucking waste of an outfit
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
