I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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