We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i came on her dog
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
