Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
