apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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