a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
