I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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