i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
whose parrot is this?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
