Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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