I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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