Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
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He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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