I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
