it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize